All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
