Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
