I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
