My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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