piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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