I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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