I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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