I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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