The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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