When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I didn't notice because vodka
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
