I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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