I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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