White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
did you just send me my own nude
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
