I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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