Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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