if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
