All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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