If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
