If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
