remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
