You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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