i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
