Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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