its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
