ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
