i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
