(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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