omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
