i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
