Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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