i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
