that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
