so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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