i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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