If i come over, it means nothing
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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