rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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