I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
