i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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