My sheets look like a crime scene.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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