There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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