i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
