Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
