i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
