I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
