I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
