hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
