I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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