This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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