The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We don't watch enough power rangers
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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