You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
