we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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