There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I came so hard my ears popped.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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