Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
