Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
